Day 6 – What difference do you want to make?

Today’s writing prompt: “So what difference do you want to make in the world? What impact do you want to have? How do you want to make things a little better for society? What do you want to be remembered for once you’re gone?“

The blog challenge has consistently pushed me outside of my comfort zone, and today is no exception, here I find myself being pushed a little further again. The writing topic is about what difference do you want to make in the world, but the content in the challenge that was emailed to me has a lot of language around “growing and monetizing a blog”. In trying to guide me to live of my passion I am being encouraged to write about what matters to me, and then to consider trying to monetize it. At the thought of this I feel my self rear up like a horse, front hoofs flailing trying to knock the branding iron from the hand of the dirty, mean cowboys with their cruel, sadistic smiles.

louis-ck-nope

Why? Why feel this way?

Cutting straight to the chase…. low self worth. You know when you seem to get the same message or have the same conversation again and again, you pick up a random book, oh there it is again, like some kind of guidance has focused my attention on the same thing over and over. Feelings of low self worth was that topic for me in these past few days, and this blog challenge was one of the players.

Monetizing this? Who would pay? What have I really got to say that is so mind-blowing? What will I EVER have to say that is that amazing that anyone would want to pay to read it. I almost feel like I should be the one bribing people to read this. Writing these thoughts down on the page, the pessimism in the language is almost too much to handle. It all highlights an inherent lack of perceived value that I place in the things that I put out into the world. I don’t see what I give as being meaningful and valuable.

But the really insane part is that people are reflecting back to me that what I am giving them is valuable, ALL THE TIME. People thank me for my classes, some even ask me at what other times and places I am teaching so they can get another dose. People have changed their habits and their lives to align with mine so they can make sure to experience the output that I am presenting to the world. Some people are actually even asking me for more. Much like not accepting their thanks fully, (see day 5 post) I have noticed I am filing these requests away in the circular filing cabinet in my brain (circular filing cabinet is office speak for the rubbish bin). WHY????

If I think I’m crap, it doesn’t matter if you think I’m crap because I already said so, so what you said can’t hurt me (but it will and I will undoubtedly use that criticism as fuel to reinforce the “I think I am crap story” and the cycle continues)).

Which then leads to “So if I constantly think I am not good enough, that thought will probably make me work hard to get better so I am good enough.” But most of the time I just don’t feel good enough and then get depressive, sullen and unmotivated and then spend my life doing things to avoid the uncomfortable not good enough feelings rather than actually doing anything to get better at things that I care about, enjoy, or matter to me.

So….. I don’t even try to change the world or my world for the better because I am afraid of being criticized? (Even though I have not received that criticism yet and it might not even exist)…..

Afraid? Sorry, I refuse to be bound by afraid.

I think I am going to choose differently than the afraid path.

“Procrastination is the thief of dreams.” – (it came from some Brian Tracy book. (Don’t ever put your email in his websites popup, waaaayyyy to many emails))

Writing about what I care about in the world won’t break me; sharing my gifts with a world that is asking for them is ok. I would like to give away as much as I can for free and I don’t have to monetize this if I don’t want to but when it comes down to it, asking for people to support you in creating something of value is not wrong, evil or deceptive. Tricking someone into buying a dud product, well that would still feel wrong to me, but if people find value in what I am creating, it almost doesn’t matter what my perspective of the value in it is. Who am I to judge what someone else finds valuable. It’s not actually about me anymore.

 

I am free to accept money from those who see the value in giving it.

free-money

Yeah, not quite what I meant Walter.

 

Tangent over, back to the writing prompt questions for today.

 

So what difference do I want to make?

To help myself and others feel more free. I don’t really know how to do this right now. Meditation is really kicking goals for me in this department, as does the yoga techniques of pranayama and asana. I can help get it out there and help others lower their levels of internal suffering.

What impact do you want to have? If even a few people read something here, chilled out a bit and then acted in a nicer way towards someone they encounter in their day to day lives that would make my time here well spent. We can build up the magnitude of that impact from that low bar. An online presence makes great sense, as it’s really an infinity scalable global presence, you might as well think globally.

How do you want to make things a little better for society?

Lets all chill out a bit, hug, smile and be nicer to each other. Lets try to break down some of the problematic unconscious patterns in the way we think and behave and replace them anything a little more helpful. I’ll try to figure out how and lead/point the way.

What do you want to be remembered for once you’re gone?

I don’t need to be remembered. What is important to be remembered is the path and practices that lead individuals towards a greater experience of freedom in this life.

Or is that the low self worth talking again?? 🙂

-Rusty

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